- photo taken in Dahab, Egypt, November 2025
“Where are you now? Do you really live in Berlin?” People around me probably all have had this question at some point.
“I can’t keep track of where you are anymore.” Me either, to be very honest.
This year, my free spirit has probably peaked yet again, so has my P-ness (MBTI, iykyk). The Netherlands, Denmark, Poland, Austria, Spain, Portugal, Qatar, Thailand, Taiwan, Switzerland, Italy, Finland, Egypt, and Japan. I’m simply an opportunist and the biggest sucker of spontaneous adventures, and I’ve been loving how it has turned out for me. So no regret at all even if it was the most difficult year ever in my life financially.
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Yes, you read it right – I’ve been the poorest in my life, wallah. Life has been the hardest ever this year. I had zero income for a few months and was seriously anxious. Well, for the record, I’ve been working. Despite less work than before yes, the main problem was that my clients didn’t pay me as they should have. So yeah, this is the reality of a freelancer’s life. Instability.
But I’m also an optimist. I’ve been nothing but lucky throughout my career and life, thankfully. I believe the universe was trying to create this sense of urgency so as to force me to be brave and make difficult decisions. It burned my bridges, basically. But at the same time, I’m forever grateful for all the angels that have come into my life at the most fitting time, and especially for my German parents’ support as always.
A friend told me: finding it hard means growth. I might’ve felt lost in the moment at times, but looking back, I know I’ve figured out a whole lot about myself. I’ve been doing so much self-reflection that I almost finished two journal books. Now I know better what I’m yearning and searching for; I know what I lack and what I have. Perhaps, at the end of the day, the one that’s holding the string to my kite is also me. It’s never supposed to be anyone else.
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“Are you running away from anything?” Mom asked me when I told her about my decision to move out of Thailand two years ago. Partially yes, let’s just be very frank. But now I also know: this is what I want at this moment. And I’ve been making it happen mashallah, step by step (zack zack zack).
I know I’ll still be learning, panicking, struggling and at times questioning myself along the way, but turning 32, I’ve also realized: I can be comfortable with running into the unknown WHILST feeling scared.
Oh and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this year, and am still practicing, is to allow myself to send out SOS signals and to be helped (not going into the Eldest Daughter Syndrome here).
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I guess, being the most vulnerable ever, the theme for this year would be: 
Hopefully my anchor can really fall where it’s meant to be, inshallah.
Tammy Yu-Ting Chiang 